“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” -Frederick Buechner
If, over the past few days, you had a window into our living room, here’s what you’d see: Me, cuddling on the sofa with a curly blonde munchkin, watching Lady and the Tramp. Now and then, the music escalates, the action grows tense, and my granddaughter’s eyes grow wide. “Oh no! What’s happening?!” she shouts, lurching forward. Oh-so-dramatic and totally adorbs.
“The doggies are sad and scared,” I might answer.
Same thing the next night. Olivia interrupts at the very same scenes, asking the same question with the same hysteria. “Oh no! What’s happening?”
So I say, “Hey sweetie, how about this time you tell me what is happening,” and she can usually do it. Then she nestles back under my arm, content for a while. In processing the new information herself, she’s gained a measure of understanding—and, therefore, peace—before the movie action resumes.
I can relate.
Some prankster recently changed the background music of my life. In May, the last of our three kids moved on. Twenty-eight years of motherhood, and then—poof! Our home feels foreign. My heart feels funky. At any given moment, there are only five items in our refrigerator. And since our departing daughter took her border collie with her, I’ve had to resume sweeping the kitchen floor.
Oh no! What’s happening?!
The other day, Michele, a recent empty-nester, shared how she and her husband had been having a hard time connecting by phone with their newly married son. Finally their son informed them that their old spontaneity will simply no longer work; they’ll need to schedule a regular slot in his communication calendar.
Michele had a look in her eyes I recognized–the Oh, no! What is happening? look.
My dear and wise author friend Nancie Carmichael recently said to me, “Sometimes we leave home, and sometimes home leaves us.” In her book, The Unexpected Power of Home: Why We Need It More than Ever,” Nancie writes,
Home can heal the brokenhearted—and sometimes home breaks our hearts. . . . New ways of doing home can bring health and wholeness. It takes awareness; it takes establishing new habits, new patterns, and new ways of looking at home.
One new way I’m beginning to look at home is as more of a changing nest than a truly empty one. Six weeks into our new life season, our oldest arrived with her husband and their wee blonde cherub, to hang out with us for the final weeks of summer. Believe me, Nana and Papa are soaking it up! When they depart, I expect we’ll again experience a void. And that elevator music I’m not yet fond of.
But for now, my granddaughter and I will stroll down to the neighbor’s farm by morning, say hello to the llama and donkeys. By evening, we’ll lay in the hammock, watching the clouds warm with color. We’ll stretch our arms overhead and pretend to touch them, and trace the jets’ glowing white trails with our fingers. Then we’ll hang upside down so the grass becomes sky and the trees grow downward. We’ll identify swallows and hawks and bats and count the stars as they appear.
And as we talk about which things God made—everything that’s good and perfect—I’ll gain a measure of understanding and peace about this new season and the roles I’m being repositioned to play.
My two-year-old protegee will no doubt keep asking, “Nana, what’s that?” as if I have all the answers. Someday she’ll know I don’t. So I’ll leave some questions to dangle, unanswered, like those mysterious, far-flung points of light aglow in dusk’s deepening canvas.
Oh, Lord, help me listen to my life. Teach me to harmonize with its changing soundtrack. Here am I, seeking the holy, hidden heart of it. And scrawling lyrics of praise under the wide, fathomless grace canopy covering my latest version of home.
[bctt tweet=”Oh, Lord, help me listen to my life. Teach me to harmonize with its changing soundtrack. ” username=”KitTosello”]
Hallelujah!
I’m linking up today with Holley Gerth, Purposeful Faith, and #TuneInThursday
This is a beautiful post! I like how you’re thinking of it not as an empty nest but as a changing nest, and I love the prayer at the end. Change is definitely not easy and we need God’s help to navigate it well.
Thank you, Lesley. I can’t imagine attempting it without his help!
Thank you for this post. In less than a week, we will be empty nesters. Our youngest will be joining her sister at college, nine hours away from home. My heart is breaking, although I know it’s for the best. But I hate quiet; I used to long for it when they were younger 😊. But after homeschooling them all through high school, I’m not sure I want quiet anymore. I look forward to my new normal. I have prayed that the Lord will show me, what He would have me do.
Oh, Brenda. I feel your pain! When our two oldest were off in college, I felt that I would just sort of get the hang of a new normal when it was time for them to come home on a break.Those homecomings were full of joy tinged with the sadness of knowing it was short-term. But each time, we and they were more ready for their return to school. Anyway, we can know God is watching all these things, holding us, and waiting to show us what’s next for us. Parenting is such a high calling, but we have more callings ahead! And just as we are blessed to watch our kids grow and fly, they too are blessed and proud to see us soar. Let’s stay in touch!
I think this is my first time visiting here but it won’t be my last! I loved this post as life changes so quickly and we so need to adapt with it all. So much truth in this post. May God help me to accept and be pliable each time He brings change to my life. Have a great day!
Hi, Joanne! It’s a cruel fact indeed: life does change quickly (or at least it feels that way), but we don’t. I carry a real burden for women who march with a limp into the next season without making time to process and let go. We can’t get stuck in the past, but I see wisdom in some contemplation. If we could only “stop the world and get off” more often! Thanks for visiting!
So much good reflection here, and it resonates with me in my phase of life also. I love the idea of looking at this phase as a changing nest and not an empty nest. This time of life came so fast didn’t it?!
Oh my, yes! Somehow it came shockingly fast, even though we had decades of notice. Bless you, Crystal, as you work to let go so you can embrace new things. Good to meet you!
I love the way you’ve expressed this, and it really it me hardest, I think, when our first son graduated and married. I think I had believed up to that point that somehow, magically, there would always be 4 boys living in my house. The changes seem to come fast and from left field, so I’m grateful for the stabilizing presence of God the Holy Spirit who whispers wisdom into my panic.
Blessings to you! We’re in a strange season, but we have a faithful God!
Hi, Michele! I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels it as a “strange season.” When our oldest left for college, the shift in our home’s atmosphere was drastic as well. It’s surprising how subtracting just one child, with their unique brand of energy and interaction, changes household dynamics. Let’s keep listening <3
What a beautiful story! Grandchildren do make us see the world with new eyes, don’t they?
I went through about 10 minutes of sadness when the last of our children moved out, but now I am very happy being an empty nester. After all those years of raising kids, hubby and I can pretty much come and go as we please. We get to see our grandchildren a lot, at least the ones who live close, and my grocery bill has gone way down (I have 3 boys)! 🙂
Hi, Laurie. Sounds like you’ve got a great attitude toward change! It’s been a mixed bag for me, with a great deal of excitement about God’s new plans for me, as well as for my husband. The coming and going as you please was a little unnerving at first, but definitely has its merits! Have a great Wednesday, and thanks for stopping by!
Kit, I so appreciate your post! Both of my boys are teens, and the music of my life is changing as they grow more independent, and “need” me less. In some ways. We’ve had an interesting summer which is also changing the music of my days. I’m learning to flow with the new realities and sway with the music as the beat changes and the melody sometimes grows more raucous.
I loved your friend’s quote: “Sometimes we leave home, and sometimes home leaves us.”
There’s so much truth in it.
I’m glad we’re neighbors over at Holley’s place today. And I loved your photos. Those mountains…I was trying to place where they were taken. 🙂 Have a great Wednesday!
Thank you for commenting, Jeanne. I remember well the raucous melodies! Oh yes indeed, and it’s funny the things you miss. Those are the 3 Sisters Mountains, part of the Cascade Range in Central Oregon. Bless your day 🙂